So it seems I haven't been able to blog for nearly a month now. When I say I haven't, it is more I haven't had the inspiration to write about things in my life. So I thought I would give you an update.
If you haven't read about me section or my first post, you will not know I am currently a Postgraduate student. This means I am currently undergoing the tremendous task of doing my dissertation or thesis. I originally started this blog as a distraction from my daily stresses, a place I could escape too and produce a perception of happiness. However I haven't been able to. If you know me personally you or are a final year student, you will understand the level of stress that your own project brings about. I am grateful to be doing a Masters degree, don't get me wrong but I can't help but feel that I haven't been prepared for the task I am currently undergoing.
What I mean to say is that I didn't realise the level of stress and the amount of inner strength I have had to have over the last month alone. My project has had an incredibly rough start, with many delays and plans falling apart due to unforeseen reasons. To the point where I have had to ask for an extension on health reasons (which, thankfully I have been granted).
One thing I have learnt over the last month, is the level of anxiety I have always had. I find this very hard to write as it is something incredibly personal and that I tend to hide away behind my happy smiles (I already feel my throat becoming tighter). Anxiety is something that is very hush hush in my family. Something that is not spoken about. And I find this displeasing as it makes it harder for me to speak about, and therefore tackle. After seeing the Doctor during a day where it all got a bit too much, I have been able to speak more openly about it, as I have finally realised that I don't suffer alone, and that by talking about it (in any form, trust me I still have major moments where I try to speak and nothing comes out as I hold back tears), I have been able to progress and develop as a person. A person that I like more, in a strange twist of events.
I have also been trying to tackle my anxiety by channelling the energy that it takes by applying for jobs and planning for the future, as a manner of trying to bring some positivity into my current situation. I have also been trying to take more moments to have more 'me time', where I shut myself off and watch programmes that I can escape too. One particular one is Nurse Jackie (as suggested by my friend Sadie).
So that is just a little update on my life. I hope to progress more as a person, and with a bit of therapy, be able to channel my anxiety through different mediums.
Zoe
x
